This Isn’t Working

It’s hard to know if we should try harder or let go. Is this a challenge or a losing battle? The answer is in how it makes you feel. If hanging on gives you anxiety, seems like a constant struggle or just feels lousy. Let go and see what happens.  My garden has been a life lesson for me this summer. I knew I should of tested the dirt long before I started digging. I ignored that gnawing feeling. I planted seeds, crossed my fingers, then sweat my ass off every weekend trying to cultivate home grown crops in a deficient environment. In the beginning the anticipation was exciting! When my plants were not growing properly, I worked harder! But attempts to hang on to hope started to make me stressed. I wasn’t sure if the uneasy sensation in my gut meant I wasn’t trying hard enough, or something else. When I looked into my garden Friday morning, I knew what to do. After 2 months of fighting the good fight, I gave up. Once I made the decision, I felt at peace. I instantly knew pursuing cucumbers in bad soil and in a drought was not a good use of my time.
  Failure isn’t fun. But it’s part of life. We need to remind ourselves, everything isn’t supposed to work out. Uncomfortable situations, grouchy people, and letdowns are in our lives so we can learn what not to do, and what we don’t want. I want to grow my own vegetable plants. I’m willing to do what it takes. I’m not willing to waste my time or sacrifice my joy. I got more out of my withering vines than if I had flourishing edibles. My husband and I have an action plan for next year! We will build raised beds, get fresh dirt, downsize and move the garden. Now, this, I have a good feeling about!